i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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