Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
