If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize