So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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