Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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