yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sponge bath it is.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
