I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
