tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
