he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize