i already hear my dad disowning me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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