If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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