I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Do vagina's smell?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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