Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
