Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
