p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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