i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Come share oat with me in your robe
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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