I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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