why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
