i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize