why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
