Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
