don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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