Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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