I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
