somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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