I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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