Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
