You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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