Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
