Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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