You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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