I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize