Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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