one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
