Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize