Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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