this just has baby written all over it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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