I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
