I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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