I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
