careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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