I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
