shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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