i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
