oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
