Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
