its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
