For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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