im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
