You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
