AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
