the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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