did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize