even my farts smell like vagina
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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