Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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