I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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