smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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