I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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