just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
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Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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