everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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