I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
